


write our names in the wet concrete.

by vintage_misery



Category: To All the Boys I've Loved Before Series - Jenny Han, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before (2018)
Genre: F/M, Gen, did you even try peter?, i am firmly in the camp that peter kavinsky has always had a crush on lara jean, they're just so cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-26
Updated: 2018-08-26
Packaged: 2019-07-03 00:21:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15807522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vintage_misery/pseuds/vintage_misery
Summary: When Peter first suggests that they fake date, he only wanted to make Gen jealous.He’s had this low-grade crush on Lara Jean since seventh grade. It wasn’t anything that impeded his relationship with Gen but instead, was something that existed in the back of his mind that allowed him to be aware of Covey’s general existence.And, like, every movement she makes.Looking back, maybe it wasn’t all about Gen.





	write our names in the wet concrete.

**Author's Note:**

> Oh lord, this movie. I haven't written anything seriously in YEARS, so I apologize if this is terrible, but these two have just consumed me.
> 
> So here, have a sort of stream of consciousness of Peter's point-of-view of the events of the movie (I haven't read the books yet so there isn't anything canon related to those).
> 
> Title is stolen from "The Last of the Real Ones" by Fall Out Boy because I hail from the days of bandom and can't shake any habits.
> 
> Movie quotes are pulled directly from the movie and confirmed by the website Springfield Springfield movie and tv scripts.
> 
> Also, just an fyi, the working title for this was "Congratulations, Peter, you played yourself."

When Peter first suggests that they fake date, he only wanted to make Gen jealous.

Kind of.

He’s had this low-grade crush on Lara Jean since seventh grade. It wasn’t anything that impeded his relationship with Gen but instead, was something that existed in the back of his mind that allowed him to be aware of Covey’s general existence.

And, like, every movement she makes.

Looking back, maybe it wasn’t all about Gen.

\--

It wasn’t really a well-thought out decision when he insinuates to Josh Sanderson that he might be dating Lara Jean. And he doesn’t exactly see Sanderson as a threat despite the guy being a recipient of one of Lara Jean’s letters.

But he does remember the panic on Lara Jean’s face and the desperation that she kissed him with and that’s what makes him open his mouth.

That and he likes seeing the befuddled and confused look on Sanderson’s face.

 _Score one for the jock_.

\--

Lara Jean is extremely easy to talk to.

Peter, to make her feel better, talks about his dad. He hates talking about his dad because it digs up messy feelings and it’s a reminder that he wasn’t good enough and the entire situation replays in the back of his mind.

She doesn’t invalidate his feelings towards his dad like, say, Gen would but she does let him know – in her own way – that she’s okay with him not talking about and that she’s here if he does want to.

(Eventually, he will look back at this moment and realize that this is where it all changed. When he wanted his fake relationship to be a real one.

When he fell in love with this girl.)

He does want to know one thing though:

“I think it's funny, you say you're scared of commitment and relationships, but you don't seem to be afraid to be with me.”

Lara Jean looks at him and says, “Well there’s…there’s no reason to be.”

“Yeah?” Despite himself, Peter leans forward to hear her answer, “Why’s that?”

If he’s being up front and honest with himself (which he’s not), he’s hoping that she says something like “because you make it easy” or “I still like you so much that it makes easy not to be afraid.”

He definitely was not expecting “‘Cause we’re just pretending.” though.

And he definitely wasn’t expecting it to hurt so much.

-

Later, after the roaring in his ears ceases and after he feels like a moron because he didn’t really have a reason to be upset (the seventh grader in the back of Peter’s mind, the one who hoped that the bottle would stop on him and did everything he could to just kiss her once, is hollering at Peter – almost functional adult – to stop being dumb.

Peter ignores him), 

Peter posts an incredibly adorable picture of them from the party on Instagram.

A few minutes later, his phone buzzes and Peter pulls it out of his pocket – dreading it’s Gen.

Instead, amongst the million texts Gen has sent him since the party, there is one from Lara Jean:

**Bae? You’re such a dork!**

Peter smiles to himself and sends back a kissy face in return.

\--

The weeks roll on and Peter is finding himself enjoying being with Lara Jean. He knows that she doesn’t read the notes he gives her – as evidenced by the fact she had no idea about Greg’s party – but he can’t quite stop himself from giving them to her.

He starts to be more serious in his words, hoping that she eventually reads them and realizes that he wants her to be his real girlfriend.

Peter scrolls through her Instagram, praying that he’ll see anything that indicates their relationship because if he sees proof, maybe, just maybe, it’ll mean that she’s invested in this as much as he’s starting to be.

But he sees nothing.

He’s psyching himself up to send a text message that quite blatantly says “hi. I like you a lot please be my girlfriend” when the real world encroaches on their little bubble.

-

Gen, for all intents and purposes, informs him that she’ll be single by the Ski Trip.

He isn’t quite sure how to react because on the one hand, this little charade has worked and Gen’s a familiar entity that he knows, somewhat at least, how to handle.

But on the other hand, he really wants to go with Lara Jean because she _isn’t_ a known entity and he’s starting to enjoy being consistently surprised by her unpredictability.

But then he spots Lara Jean talking to Josh Sanderson, who Peter no longer views as non-threatening because Covey does (did?) like him and she has a history with him that Peter can’t even remotely touch.

It’s the lizard part of his brain that screams _MINE MINE MINE_ , though she isn’t by far, and it supersedes his rational brain to mouth filter, allowing him to blurt out:

“What do you think people are gonna say when they see my girlfriend cozying up to Sanderson?” 

And Lara Jean, not one for giving an inch, snaps back, “What do you think they'll say, when they that hear you're begging to get back with Gen on bleachers?” 

She’s walking away, and Peter chases her down and accusing her of spying. 

Then: “I don't think either one of us thought this was going to go on for this long, but Josh and I are cool, Gen's sufficiently jealous, I think that we need to call it.”  
  
The world stops turning for a moment when Peter realizes what she’s implying and starts turning again when his mind shifts into an _oh my god no no no_ mentality because suddenly and implicitly, he doesn’t want to go anywhere without Lara Jean Song Covey. He doesn’t want to do anything without her because she’s, somehow, infiltrated every single part of his life. 

Peter Kavinsky is in love and he’s brave enough to admit it to himself. 

Now all he’s got to do is convince Lara Jean and if he’s got to get Chris on that ski trip to do so, then so be it. 

\-- 

He spends the next day aggressively hounding Chris to get her on the ski trip, only for her to constantly say no in increasingly interesting ways. 

He’s all but given up when Chris hunts him and lets him know that she will be there. 

Peter isn’t so high and mighty that he won’t admit that he fist-pumped the air when she walked away. 

Then he remembers that Lara Jean has pushed him away a little to create a level of space that he didn’t know she needed. But he’ll let her be because he doesn’t want to scare her away before he can let her know how he feels. If she’s scared by the intensity of his feelings towards her then he’ll let her go because he’d rather she’d be happy then feel trapped. 

But first, he needs to get ready for the ski trip and for that, he needs a little help.

**Hey littlest Covey. Where do you get those yogurt drinks from?**

**The Korean grocery store.**

**Okay where’s that at?**

- 

Except Lara Jean doesn’t sit next to him. 

He knows she was standing in the room when Gen mentions their long-standing tradition because he can see her out of the corner of his eye and he just wants to scream “I want you not her!” 

But he doesn’t. Instead Peter watches Lara Jean smile at Chris and pull books out of her bag and realizes she isn’t going to ski, at all. 

In fact, she ignores him for the rest of the day.

Actually, she doesn’t just ignore him, she actively avoids him – always in the company of Chris and Lucas. 

He doesn’t know what to do. 

- 

In the end, Lara Jean always knows how to surprise him. 

Peter is alone in the hot tub; he wasn’t really waiting for her though he hoped she’d come – he mostly just wanted to think without any sort of outside influence. Because he doesn’t know if Lara Jean knows how he feels and is just choosing to ignore it for some misguided reason or if she doesn’t know for some misguided reason. 

Either way, he wants to shake some sense into her. 

“All by yourself out here?” Peter turns towards her voice and sees her, adorably dressed in slippers, a nightgown, her coat with her hair piled on top of her head, but chooses not to say anything, “So what, you’re ignoring me now?” 

Peter scoffs, the sheer audacity of this girl, “Oh, I’m the one ignoring you?” 

Lara Jean leans over the edge of the hot tub and mumbles something about not knowing how to ski and him not offering to teach her, which is so not the point. 

“I’m supposed to be sweet to you after you don’t sit with me on the bus ride?” 

“Shouldn’t you be thanking me,” where is she going with this? “That you got sit next to who you actually wanted?” 

Peter wants to scream, yell, do _something_ because she absolutely one hundred percent does not get it. He wants _her_ : Lara Jean Covey in all her goofy, nerdy, hilarious glory. He doesn’t want predictability, he wants the unfiltered emotions that run across her face, he wants to be a part the Covey family, he just wants it all. 

He tells her as much in different words: he tells her about the snacks, about the yogurt, and hopes she gets it. 

She doesn’t. 

But then she gets into the hot tub, nightgown and all, so maybe – on some unconscious level – she does get it. 

Lara Jean wades through the water and Peter wills himself to keep it together because _hot damn_ she looks amazing. 

Suddenly she’s standing in front of him, between his knees and at his eye level, and just looks at him, “Hi.” 

Peter can’t help himself: he sweeps her into his lap with her ass resting on his knees, telling her that “there’s no one like you, Covey” before he waits. He won’t compromise her boundaries and rules without her consent. 

(Distantly, he remembers her telling him that she didn’t want all her firsts to be fake which means that this is _real_.) 

Lara Jean crosses the small distance between them and kisses him. 

And Peter thinks of nothing but her and the small world they’ve created in this hot tub. 

- 

After Lara Jean kissed him good night and he realizes that it’s just her, only her, he knows what he needs to do.

Peter knocks on Gen’s door and she opens it with a smile, “Peter, I knew you’d come.” 

He muscles his way in and tells her bluntly, “It’s over between us.” 

The smile drops off Gen’s face.

\-- 

Then it all falls apart. 

\-- 

_Am I just a joke to you, Peter?_

_This is over, in every way possible._

Lara Jean’s words keep echoing through his head as he drives home from the bus station. How could she think that she was joke to him? She’s _everything_ to him and he doesn’t understand how she can’t see that. Doesn’t understand how she wouldn’t stay and listen to him. He doesn’t want Gen, never again. 

The first time she tried to break up with him, he wouldn’t let her because it was in the contract and because Chris said that she would go on the ski trip.

This time, when she breaks up with him, he can’t do anything but stand there and watch her walk away. 

\-- 

Fighting with her over her relationship with Josh Sanderson wasn’t what he envisioned when he went over to her house to talk.

 The plan was to tell her about how hard it is to let go of a past relationship but that he has and he’s ready to make it real. 

The plan wasn’t to accuse her of being in love with Josh but the idea that that kiss in the hot tub was a mistake and that it didn’t mean anything to him had hurt him so deeply that he just lashed out. 

Peter makes one last ditch effort to let her know how he feels before he leaves, “God, you were never second best.” 

She doesn’t say anything. 

\-- 

The next couple of days are weird. 

He isn’t used to not talking to Lara Jean, but this needs to be her decision. He can’t keep chasing her and hoping that she realizes how real his feelings are. So, he sits at home and stews about everything and wishing he could apologize to Lara Jean and her sister. Wishing he could just have a hug because Covey hugs are the best. Wishing he just told her from the beginning how he felt. 

Then school starts, and Lara Jean is walking away and yelling at him, accusing him of being happy that a video of them in the hot tub leaked and Peter has no idea what’s going on. 

Until Chris smacks a crumbled piece of paper into his chest with a growled “you gonna do something about this?” 

Peter uncrumples the paper to see a photo of Lara Jean’s back with his hand splayed across it and, without hesitation, yells at the entire hallway: “Hey, everyone, listen up. Not that it's anyone's business, but nothing happened in the hot tub. If I hear anybody talking about Lara Jean or that video, I'm gonna kick your asses.” 

He ignores Chris and completely focuses on Lara Jean and how upset she is because right now, that’s what matters. He doesn’t know who did this or why they did this, but he will find out everything. 

Except maybe he knows who did this and he definitely knows why she did it. 

And for a second time, Peter Kavinsky watches as Lara Jean Covey walks away. 

\-- 

When she asks him to turn around, Peter thinks she’s going to break his heart. 

He braces himself for the words, the ones that will tear him to pieces, but they never come. 

Instead, she taps his shoulder, looks him in the eye and says “I need you to know that I like you, Peter Kavinsky. And not in a fake way. And so, I guess that's all I came here to say” before turning around to leave. 

And this time, Peter Kavinsky isn’t going to let her leave because now he knows that she feels the same and he needs her to know that he feels the same. “I’m in love with you, Lara Jean. Only you.” 

The smile that crosses her face is genuine and tinged with disbelief, “You’re what?” 

Peter laughs and smiles because god, he loves this girl and he just needs to kiss her. 

Except she needs to know if there’s a contract for a relationship and all Peter can say is: “You going to break my heart, Covey?”

Because at this point, he doesn't care what happens in the future - he's gotta trust that they can make it work and he thinks she understands that because she leans up and kisses him.   

**Author's Note:**

> This is insanely unbeta'd so if you catch an error - please let me know!
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
